Telling It Like It Is
One of the first things I noticed about Jerome was his “macho” presentation. He was a very short man who worked hard on making an impression. From his exaggerated “hip” walk to the overly flashy clothing, it was pretty obvious that Jerome needed very much to be noticed. His male friends called him “Mighty Mack” because he liked to regale them with stories about his prowess in the bed. When he finally married, he intended to hold on to his reputation as a lover even if he turned off his wife in the process.
Insecurities Can Lead To Confusion
Jerome felt strongly that if Gloria wasn’t doing it with him, she must be doing it with someone else. He had confused keeping her satisfied with doing “it” all of the time. He also started threatening Gloria about other women if “she didn’t get her act together.” His conversation was peppered with statements like, “a man gotta do what a man gotta do.”
When Jerome became comfortable talking to me, I discovered how much he hated being short. He felt his height had always compromised his ability to “pull in” the ladies. He secretly believed that to be a real “lover”, a man had to be tall, so he tried to compensate for his lack of stature in any way he could. By having women turned on to him sexually, he felt better about himself and less insecure about being short.
Take a “Time-Out” Together
After working with Jerome and Gloria together for several sessions, I urged them both to take a “time-out” and focus on what they really wanted from their relationship. I recommended that they set aside time each weekend to talk to each other about what they liked and disliked in bed. Because Jerome had always seen himself as a gifted lover, it never occurred to him that his wife might need something in the bedroom that he wasn’t providing. I gave them a “Sexual Quick Fix List” where each could list his/her turn-ons and turn-offs.
Gloria soon was able to convince Jerome that she found him very desirable, even though she didn’t want sex every day. She reinforced this message by telling him how much she enjoyed the physical side of their relationship and how much more pleasurable sex was for her when she didn’t feel “hounded” into it.
Jerome began to relax his sexual demands once he was assured that his wife longed for him and desired him. We also began having some sessions without Gloria so that Jerome could work with me on his self-esteem issues. I wanted him to see how his lack of confidence in his masculine image was wreaking havoc on his marriage.
I also worked with separately Gloria a few times in sessions teaching her better ways to communicate her needs and dislikes. Finally as a couple, they were able to reinforce effectively what they both desired.
Audrey’s Love Lessons 101: Sexual Quick Fix Tips